Obsession
by the Scribe1
Summary: The girls take their Tenchi fixation to new heights(depths?)


Note: This story is based on the plotlines and character traits set forth in the reality of the first Tenchi OAV. 

Disclaimer:

**Tokimi: Screw it. I don't think people read disclaimers anymore, I -know- I don't.**

Mihoshi: But…I ... Its the Laaaaw!

Tokimi: Yes, and when the FBI kick in my door, I will change my mind. 

Mihoshi: *Sniffle* You said if we wrote this together, that I'd get a fair say, and …

Tokimi: And that I'd get final edit.***Sees Mihoshi ready to tear up again***

Alright,if anyone notices I'll write a Mihoshi fic where she does something besides make a case for kicking all the blondes off the planet and sending her to wherever the hell Mihoshi is from. *mutters* And-then-burns-in-my-everlasting-Hell…

Mihoshi: Okay! *cheesy smile*

**It is rated PG-13 for language and sick, sad, tasteless humor.   **

**                    Obsession**

**              by Tokimi and Mihoshi**

**      The sun rose softly through the technicolor leaves of the trees that surrounded the Masaki shrine. Gentle whispers of wind lightly brushed the reflective lake and birds chirped sotto voce, caressing the world into day.**

**      "Lord Tenchi is missing!" shrieked the suddenly-less-than-cultured voice of the First Princess of Jurai.**

**      Three sets of pounding footsteps and one whoosh of projectile space pirate converged in the living room where Lady Ayeka was tearing her purple hair and turning around in pointless circles.**

**      An airborne Ryoko immediately set to making threats of vengeance, blasting holes in walls periodically.**

**      "Ayeka, what exactly happened?" asked Washu calmly, as little Sasami comforted Galaxy Police Detective First Class Mihoshi, who was weeping helplessly through her blonde hair.**

**      WHAM! The kitchen wall; decimated.**

**      "Miss Washu, I don't know!" wailed Ayeka hysterically, "He is nowhere to be seen! I checked -- bedroom -- kitchen-- den -- not there!" she managed between sobs.**

**      "How could you let this happen, Ayeka!" Ryoko bellowed, hoisting the couch above her head.**

**      "I can't believe Tenchi is missing! Oh no, what if he's dead!" moaned Mihoshi, in what must be standard Galaxy Police procedure.**

**      "Dead!?!" screamed Ryoko and Ayeka. Sasami could only look at Washu as her sister collapsed hysterically on the scientist's left shoulder. Mihoshi had already claimed the right one. **

**      Ryoko flew into a rage, tossing the couch into the fridge and blowing it up, then soaring across the room to find something else to destroy.**

**      "This is the perfect opportunity to test out my Mr. Anal Tracker!"**

**      Silence fell and all eyes turned to the self-proclaimed Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe.**

**      "Uh, I mean... I -have- no tracker or I'd be able to find Tenchi." Washu explained, shrugging. "But of course I don't. I really, uh, would never... I'm sure Mihoshi's right and he's just dead."**

**      In order to bridge the awkwardness of the moment, Ryoko bashed another wall.**

**      "How dare you deface Lord Tenchi's property!" shrieked Ayeka, throwing an antique vase at the Space Pirate's head.**

**      "He doesn't care -- he's -- DEAD!" moaned Ryoko, lobbing energy balls at the Princess.**

**      At the word 'dead' Mihoshi and Ayeka burst into tears again, as explosions blew up the TV behind them.**

**      "And it's all YOUR fault!" Ryoko continued.**

**      There was a collective gasp and all eyes turned to Ayeka. **

**      "What, What, WHAT?!" screeched the Princess.**

**      "You couldn't stand the love that Tenchi had for me, so you -- killed him!" She looked around desperately to find something to back up her outrageous claim. She flew into the kitchen and came back triumphantly with an empty tin of cookies.**

**      "AHA!" Ryoko laughed, shaking the tin over Ayeka's head. "This proves it!"**

**      "What? That is the most ridiculous thing-"**

**      "IS IT?" The space pirate interrupted. "I find it very hard to believe that you just -happened- to be down here at five o'clock in the morning! Your late sleeping habits are a big topic of discussion when you're not around, Princess."**

**      Ayeka turned angrily on Mihoshi and Sasami, who clung together in terror.**

**      "Admit it!" Ryoko continued. " You came down here to steal the last of the cookies!!!"**

**      Ayeka turned red as a tomato and began to sputter guiltily. **

**      Ryoko pressed on, moving closer and closer till she was nose to nose with the snooty princess. "And Tenchi caught you in your gluttonous rape of the kitchen! He tried to stop you, saying he could never love someone so wickedly**

**selfish, and ugly. So you KILLED him and hid the BODY!!!!"**

**      The room gasped in shock, as Ayeka seemed to turn to stone.**

**      Sasami turned to her big sister, eyes big and watery.**

**      "You killed Tenchi? Ayeka, how could you?" She whimpered, with tears spilling over her dainty cheeks.**

**      "I DID NOT -KILL- LORD TENCHI!"**

**      "LIAR!" Ryoko roared, and pounded a fist through the bathroom door, eliciting a shout from inside.**

**      "Hey, cut it out, you guys!" Tenchi whined over a newspaper.**

**      "TENCHI!" the girls shouted, rushing to the hole while Tenchi scrambled to pull his pants up.**

**      FLUSH! He opened the door, examining the damage.**

**Four sets of arms surrounded him. Washu watched pityingly as Tenchi tried to draw breath under the death-grips of the tearful girls.**

**      "What's going on?" he asked.**

**      He never did get a coherent answer.**

**      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**      It was dinnertime in the Masaki household. Sumptuous platters of rare delicacies from everywhere from Jurai to Jersey decorated the low wooden table.**

**      Eight heads gracefully bowed in prayer; the evening light cast a pale glow over the cream-colored dishes and the vari-colored skins of the picturesque diners.**

**      "... and Tsunami please watch over our dear Lord Tenchi, whom we almost lost today. Thank you, Tsunami," finished Ayeka.**

**      "Thank you, Tsunami," everyone repeated.**

**      "Thank you, Tsuna- wait, what?" Tenchi asked.**

**      "Chow's on!" Ryoko shouted, breaking the peaceful tableau, and the usual evening free-for-all began. These girls have turned dinner table Darwinism into an art form.**

**      "Would you please pass the soy sauce, Miss Ryoko" said Ayeka in her faux-cordial, simpering tone.**

**      "Why certainly." Ryoko replied in a similar fashion. She reached over to the soy sauce, spat in it discreetly, and passed it on.**

**      Tenchi, who had seen the whole thing, intercepted the dish angrily. "Ryoko!"**

**      "What?" Ryoko said innocently, slurping up a noodle.**

**      "You know better than to do something like that to Ayeka!"**

**      Fuming to an atomic green color, Ayeka shot up from her seat and dove at the other girl. **

**      "DIE, YOU VENOMOUS RODENTIAL WORM!!!" She squealed, as Ryoko scurried away, grinning. **

**      "Girls, girls--" Nobiuki ventured concilitoraly. **

**      The twin death glares, and the warning hand that Katsuhito put on his arm convinced Tenchi's father not to meddle.**

**      With a tiny clatter that nobody noticed,Tenchi's fork accidentally hit the floor.**

**      "Oopsie," Tenchi remarked, ducking down under the table, out of sight, to seek the missing utensil on his hands and knees.**

**      It happened almost immediately.**

**      "Oh my God, Tenchi's gone again!" Ayeka shouted, turning away from Ryoko in terror.**

**      "Nice looking out, Tsunami!" growled Ryoko angrily, casting little glares at Sasami, who sniffled worriedly.**

**      There was a thud as Tenchi hit his head on the low table.**

**      "Poor Tenchi," cried Mihoshi, "he's never safe!"**

**      "But he just went under the--" Nobiuki began before Ryoko shot an energy ball at him.**

**      "God, man, we're trying to figure out what happened to Tenchi! Can't you shut the hell up for one minute?!"**

**      "But I -saw- hi--" Ryoko shook her fist menacingly, and Nobiuki dove under the table to join his son.**

**      Katsuhito, meanwhile, took advantage of the girls' distraction to commandeer a larger portion of dinner than he'd been able to touch for many months.**

**      "What will we do?" wailed Mihoshi, feeling the strange need for someone with dark teal hair to tell her what to do.**

**      "We'll rescue him, of course," smiled Washu with amusement. "Finally, a chance to try out my Mr. Man Trap!" she added under her breath.**

**      "That's it, Miss Washu, you really are a genius!" Ayeka exclaimed.**

**      While Washu tried to decide whether she should turn Ayeka into a toad for not calling her 'Little' or spare her for finally recognizing her awesome genius, Ryoko was glowing purple over her ramen.**

**      "Man-trap, shman-rap!!! I'll find whoever dared touch -my- Tenchi and show them what the Wrath of Ryoko is all about!"**

**      "Lord Tenchi, we're coming to rescue you!" shouted Ayeka purposefully, as she stood next to Ryoko in a burst of spotlight and theme music.**

**      "But, guys, I'm right here," Tenchi sputtered, rising up with the errant fork in his hand.**

**      "I just went to get my fork," he explained in confusion as Ryoko opened an industrial-sized bottle of sake to 'celebrate his safe return'.**

**            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  **

**      Several hours later the moon shone brightly through the windows, illuminating the... uh, sprightly? Festive? Oh hell, the house was a mess.**

**      Two bottles of Jack Daniels that Ayeka had gotten from God knows where and all of Nobiuki's "emergency liquid rations" stash had turned the usually clean house to a Bacchanalian battleground with stray lampshades, bottles and passed-out partiers littering the floors, furniture, stairs, and even the ceiling fan (over which Ryo-oh-ki had somehow draped herself.)**

**      Tenchi, the sole sober survivor, was just taking himself off to bed, not even bothering to try to pick up the mess. No sooner had his bedroom door crept silently shut, however, than the girls started up from their dead-ass sake slumber.**

**      "Tenchi? Tenchi, where are you?" gasped Ryoko. "Ayeka, what have you done with Tenchi?"**

**      "Lord Tenchi!" **

**      The Princess and the Pirate looked at each other, horrified.**

**      "Not again!" They wailed in unison.**

**      "Oh, no, Tenchi is dead again!!" cried Mihoshi.**

**      Sasami wasn't really paying attention this time; her saucer-sized eyes were taking in the enormous amount of cleaning she would have to do in the morning.**

**      "Mr. Man Trap," Washu muttered without waking up.**

**      "Oh, my poor Lord Tenchi!" Ayeka sobbed, "And I never even told him that I-- felt I-- that I lu--"**

**      "Wasabi -inside- the remote? How did that happen?" Sasami asked herself.**

**      "-Your- Poor Lord Tenchi?! He was mine!" Ryoko roared, hitting her with a couch cushion.**

**      "He was -not- yours Miss Ryoko!" harped Ayeka, returning fire.**

**"OooOOoooh, the girl's are pillow-fighting again!" Nobiuki cheered, and ran to get his camera.**

**      "Well, how funny, that's not what he said last night. In fact, I believe his exact words were 'Take me, Ryoko, I'm yours...'"**

**      "That never happened!" Ayeka shrieked. **

**      "'...please save me from that flat-chested mummy of a princess...'"**

**      "Who was smoking? Father, were you smoking? There are burns in Lady Achika's nice linen table cloth!" Sasami cried.**

**      Washu silently tucked her Cuban cigar under the couch Grandfather was passed out on.   **

**      "You're calling -me- a mummy?!" Ayeka shrieked, tiny wooden guardians sending blue sparks around her.**

**      "Hey, Tenchi said it, not me."**

**      "He did NOT!!!"**

**      The threads of blue lightning thickened around the princess into a torrent of raging blue fire.**

**      "Well, you could ask him yourself if you hadn't -killed- him!" Ryoko accused.**

**      "I DID NOT -KILL- LORD TENCHI!!!!!" **

**      There was a deafening boom as the Masaki house was, yet again, completely leveled.**

**      In the charred wreckage that was once a bed, Tenchi rolled over and pulled his smoking, blackened blanket over his head.**

**      "TENCHI!!" Girls appeared like magic out of the smoldering rubble, rushing forward and pulling him into a many-armed hug while he wept tiredly.**

**      Under the protective shield of Mr. Force field, which Washu had erected instantaneously around Nobiuki, Katsuhito and herself as soon as Ayeka had powered up, The Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe clucked her tongue.**

**      "That is -so- the last straw," she announced, "It was amusing before, but there is just no way I'm going to have this place in tip-top shape again in time for E.R.!"**

**      "But the only one who could stop it is Tenchi!" Nobiuki exclaimed.**

**      "True," she conceded, "Why does he have to be such a wuss?"**

**      "I don't know," Katsuhito announced regally, pulling a lampshade off his head and tossing a half-empty bottle of Wasabi to the ground, "but he doesn't get it from his -mother's- side of the family."**

**      "Well how come he's such a pervert?" Nobiuki countered, "He didn't get that from his -father's- side of the family."**

**      "Tenchi's not a pervert, you idiot, that's you!" **

**      "Oh, yeah!" said Nobiuki, rubbing the back of his neck and laughing nervously.**

**      "Well, something has to be done." Washu put a finger to her chin in a classic 'Thinker' pose.**

**      A tumbleweed ambled slowly by and the stars were much farther in their journey across the sky before anyone spoke.**

**      "UMMM... Miss, I mean, Little Washu, it's been half an hour, don't you think you should get started on fixing the house?" Nobiuki asked after a while.**

**      BZZZT. Washu bent down and picked up a small wind up Nobiuki toy **

** from where Tenchi's father had been standing.**

**      "Te-he, question me..." Washu laughed, flicking the metal Mr. Matter Transmogrifier into reverse. She then opened up a space matter pocket, pulled out a small fish tank containing a mean looking crab, and placed Nobiuki inside.**

**      "You -do- have a point, though," she shrugged. As she watched the crab bat**

**its eyes at the jumping and screaming toy father. She smiled as the crustacean**

**waited for him to wind down, and then wound up his key with a slight pinch on the posterior. "First thing's first, I guess. Since I don't have a Mr. Masculator -yet- we'll just have to tell Tenchi to suck it up and handle his own business himself. Okay! Hey, Tenchi!"**

**       "Help me," squeaked Tenchi, who was turning purple from the prolonged lack of circulation.**

**      "Hey, everyone, Sasami baked cookies in the kitchen!" Washu yelled.**

**      Whoosh! Ryoko was gone.     **

**      "Yay, cookies!" Mihoshi yelled, letting go of Tenchi.**

**      "Mmmmm. Are they the Royal cookies, Sasami?" Ayeka asked, following the blonde. **

**      "I hope so!" Sasami agreed. She stopped. "Wait a second, I -am- Sasami! And I didn't -bake- any cookies! And there -is- no kitchen anymore!" **

**      But it was too late. Washu had swept Tenchi through the free-floating door to her subspace lab and strapped him in the famous 'boxer shorts' apparatus before she could even finish her sentence.**

**      "Listen up, Tenchi," Washu began.**

**      "Oh my God, where's Lord Tenchi?!" "Oh my God, where are the cookies?!" "Poor Tenchi choked to death on the cookies!" "Nice going, Sasami!" "Really, Sasami, twice in one day; you call yourself his friend?!" "I think -your family- is out to get him!" and other such remarks sounded softly through the barricaded door.**

**      "You're not gonna try for that sample again, are you?" Tenchi asked nervously. Washu laughed.**

**      "Well, I wasn't going to, Silly, but as long as you're here..." Her laugh became a cackle as she saw the color drain from Tenchi's face.**

**       "He really -is- a wuss," she added under her breath. **

**      "Look Tenchi, I know you're more squeamish than a little girl, but the time has come for you to face facts.**

**"For whatever reason, you have two ---well possibly three if you count Mihoshi... or Sasami...-- extremely powerful and belligerent girls... okay, it's two..." Washu sighed heavily. "It's hard to destroy the delusions of one so blind. The point is, Ryoko and Ayeka are -dangerously- obsessed with you. It seems all of your brushes with death, alien abductions and trips to the bathroom have made them paranoid. You literally can't go out of their sight for a second before they think you're dead, or in danger, but usually dead. You know that your death or disappearance makes it necessary for them to talk, and we all know what happens when they talk: -I- end up reconstructing the house from old photographs."**

**       "What can I do?" Tenchi asked, blushing.**

**       "What am I, your mother? Figure it out yourself! And do it by the time the house is fixed, because if they're yelling while Anthony Edwards is trying to save a pregnant teenage homeless girl scout again, I'm taking it out of -your- ass. Go get 'em Masaki!"**

**      "Yes'm," Tenchi replied fearfully as Washu forcibly ejected him out into the mercy of his admirers.**

**           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**      Tenchi cleared his throat.**

**      "Alright."**

**      The newly restored living room was silent except for the low hum of Mr. Damage Control and the soft whirl of the wind as it passed through the missing wall out into the freedom of the trees.**

**      "I need to talk to you girls..."**

**      More silence. Hum. Whirl. Hum. Whirl.**

**      "Mmm-hmmm."**

**      Mihoshi scratched her ear. Hum.**

**      "I certainly do." **

**      Whirl.**

**      "Uh, Tenchi?" Sasami asked quietly.**

**      "Yes?" he answered.**

**      "You said you wanted to talk to us."**

**      "That's, uh, yes, that is... um... right."    **

**      Hum. Whirl.**

**      "What was it you wanted to say?" she ventured patiently.**

**      Hum. Whirl.**

**      "Tenchi?" Ryoko asked.**

**      "What?" **

**      "We're missing E.R., so if you could spit it out...?"**

**      "It'slikethis," he burst out suddenly, "This is the nine-, wait, no, the tenth..." he started counting on his fingers, "This is the eleventh time that you guys have blown the house up this month. And that's bad..." with a visible effort, Tenchi grew some balls and continued, "No, it's not bad, it's unacceptable! Me and Dad and Grandpa let you stay here for free and eat our food and we don't ask for anything, we don't complain." Nobiuki and Katsuhito nodded in agreement, silently edging as far away from their heir as possible.**

**       "So I'm gonna have to change that now, and ask for something."**

**      The girls nodded mutely, their eyes on Tenchi.**

**      He lost his nerve.**

**      "pleasedon'tblowupmyhousenomore." he whispered pleadingly.**

**      Ryoko laughed, Sasami and Mihoshi giggled. Ayeka bit her handkerchief.**

**      "Yeah, sure. Whatever you want," they reassured him unconvincingly, turning on the television. Nobiuki handed his father-in-law a wad of cash.**

**      "Told you so," Katsuhito gloated, pocketing the money.**

**      "Why do you have to be such a wuss?" Nobiuki asked his son under his breath.**

**      "What, Dad?"**

**      "What?" **

**      "Did you just...?"**

**      "Did I what?"**

**      "Did you, um...."**

**      "No."**

**      "Alright, then, I guess...."**

**              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**      Under the cover of midnight and the new blue comforter Washu had pulled out of an infinitely huge metal trunk labeled "Emergency Duplicate House Furnishings," Tenchi huddled nervously, his mouth twitching behind a thick catcher's mask.**

**      "Must... not... sleep.... Must... protect...   my virtue..." He jumped at every squeak or thump that disturbed the night air, expecting any moment to hear the rush of Ryoko through the air, to feel the impact of depraved space pirate.**

**      But after a few hours passed, unbroken by enamored admirers and embittered rivals, he slowly relaxed his grip on Tenchi-ken and, letting his head tilt farther and farther towards his shoulder... his eyelids gradually crept closer together... he drifted farther and farther from the shores of consciousness... he was just about to cut the last cord -- that of self-preservation -- that tied him to the waking world....**

**      "Tenchi," a voice cooed gently in his ear.**

**      Tenchi jumped up. The Jurian sword flared immediately into its accustomed blue flame.**

**      "Ryoko!!" he yelled automatically. **

**      Spinning around on his bed he held the eclectic blade protectively in front of his face before he even opened his eyes. They widened immediately in shock, and he quickly lowered the sword, bowing in apology.**

**      "Tsunami! Wow, I'm -so- sorry, I thought..."**

**      "That was a reflex. I'm actually impressed." the goddess smiled, "It's getting pretty bad isn't it?"**

**      "What?" Tenchi asked redundantly, then, remembering his conversation with his father, he answered his own question, "Oh, the girls, yeah well, you, uh, get used to it, I guess. And there's really nothing that I can..."**

**      "-Tenchi-" Tsunami's usually mild voice sounded a tad sharp, "Do you really think you can just sit back and let things go on as they are?"**

**      "I--"**

**      "No, you can't. If this were just an ordinary household full of ordinary earthlings, then it wouldn't matter so much, but your family controls a third of the known universe; your houseguests are some of the most powerful and potentially dangerous criminals in space history. This situation could have cataclysmic repercussions. Some action must be taken, and, as the center and cause of the trouble, it would behoove you to be the one to take it. "**

**      "What can I do?" Tenchi whined  for the second time that day. **

**      Realizing finally that Tenchi was never going to think of a solution on his own, the goddess gave a huge sigh.**

**      "The girls use you as a bone of contention. It is my belief that this 'infatuation' with you, at least as far as it applies to Ryoko and Ayeka, is just one link in the greater chain of their lifelong feud. In essence," she continued when she saw the blank look on his face, "They're just trying to outdo each other. Neither one has a real interest in you. They're each determined, not only to win you for themselves, but, in the meantime, to be more devoted, more obsessed, more in love with you than the other. That is why the situation has escalated to such a point."  **

**      "I kinda thought it wasn't my bulging muscles and sparkling personality," Tenchi agreed  ruefully. **

**"So what can I do?"**

**      "Well I thought, since they aren't really interested in you, they would forget their obsession if its object was out of the picture, if you were out of the way."**

**      "'Out of sight, out of mind,' do you mean? But that won't work. They freak out when I go to the bathroom! If I left, they'd follow me, fighting all the way."**

**      "That's true. If they thought there was any hope of finding you, they'd both jump at the chance to be the first one to find you. -If- they thought there was any hope. But if they believed you were dead..."**

**      "Hey, now wait one minute!" Tenchi protested raising his sword again defensively.**

**      Tsunami sighed again.**

**      "I'm not going to kill you, Tenchi. The situation does not call for it."**

**      "Then what do you want me to do?" he asked again in confusion.**

**          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**      It was an unseasonably warm sun that swelled through the hazy mists of morning a few hours later.**

**Birds languished in the shadiest trees, too hot to sing or fly any farther than the placid shore of the swollen lake.**

**      "Lord Tenchi is--"**

**      "I'm right here, Ayeka," Tenchi replied stiffly, rubbing some invisible sweat from his forehead as he pushed past the sleeveless princess into the dining room.**

**      "Good morning, Tenchi," five voices chorused.     **

**      "Good morning, girls," he returned automatically. **

**      Washu smothered a giggle.**

**      "WHAT?" she said defensively to the suspicious stares everyone aimed at her. "Eat your breakfast."**

**       Still slightly wary, the Masaki family did as ordered.**

**      "So, uh, -Tenchi-," the scientist began after a calculated pause.**

**      "Yes, Washu," he replied expressionlessly.**

**      "What will you do today? It is so hot."**

**      "I will not go out to the field today; it is too hot to work. I will spend the day by the lake. I will go swimming. I will get tan. I will drink lemonade and have ice cream."**

**      "Sounds good to me!" Ryoko agreed immediately. "I'll get my bikini. String or thong... String... or... thong..." She disappeared, still pondering this important question.**

**      Ayeka, of course, set off with a muddled, vague intention of finding her bathing suit and killing Ryoko.**

**      Mihoshi finished breakfast; Sasami cleared the table. The elder Masaki men had eaten and set to work at their respective occupations long before their house- guests had hauled their asses out of bed.**

**      Finally, Tenchi and Washu alone sat across from each other at the empty table. **

**      With a sudden smile, the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe leaned over and pinched Tenchi's unusually pale cheeks.**

**      "Phase One: Complete." she announced with a grin, before heading off to her subspace lab to hunt up her own swimsuit.**

**            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**      "Miss Ryoko, have you no shame!?" Ayeka's face was as purple as her hair as she stood, arms on her narrow red-suited hips, glaring at the roughly ten threads that covered the space pirate's body.**

**      "Sure I do, Princess," Ryoko responded cheerfully, "I'd die of shame before I'd let Tenchi see me in that." She pointed to Ayeka's conservative one-piece.**

**      The air became thick with magic logs.**

**      "Hey, hey, cut it out, you... guys," Tenchi said stiffly. "I am going to get some ice cream, maybe that will cool you off."**

**      The girls ignored him, as usual, eying each other maliciously. Tenchi walked silently to the house.**

**      Two minutes later:**

**      "Oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!"**

**      Ayeka started hyperventilating.**

**      "TEN-CHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

**      Ryoko fell to her knees, beating her chest with grief.**

**      "Poor Tenchi," Mihoshi chimed in sadly, "How many times does he have to die before he finds peace?"**

**      "Just one more," Washu muttered.**

**      "WHY?????!!!!!!!" Ryoko, Mihoshi and Ayeka wailed without hearing; they had formed a sobbing huddle in the sand on the lake's shore. **

**      "Who wants chocolate?" Tenchi asked blandly.**

**      "MEEE!!!!" Mihoshi flew towards the waffle cones in his hand.**

**      "Tenchi you're safe!" Ayeka yelled.**

**      "Tenchi, you have strawberry!" Ryoko called, lacing her arms around his rigid neck and grabbing a pink ice cream.**

**      "Can I have vanilla, Tenchi?" Sasami asked politely.**

**      "NO!" Washu placed a hand in between Tenchi and Sasami. "Tenchi got the ice cream, so Tenchi gets vanilla."**

**      "Okay..." Sasami grabbed a chocolate cone skeptically.**

**      "I'd check that for aphrodisiacs, if I were you," she whispered to Tenchi.**

**      "Sasami!" Ayeka was scandalized, but she eyed the white cone warily as she grabbed the other strawberry.**

**      All arguments, fears and funeral plans forgotten, everyone took a huge bite of their ice cream (Well, Ayeka took a dainty lick) and smiled with pleasure.**

**      Except Tenchi.**

**      "AK-ggK-AAA-ehg!"**

**      "Will you be quiet, Tenchi, we're trying to enjoy our ice cream here." Ryoko said in annoyance.**

**      "EEEEEEE-kkk-gak!"**

**      "How dare you tell a member of the Jurai Royal Family to be quiet!" Ayeka shrieked in outrage.**

**      "Oh, my goodness, Tenchi is turning blue!" Mihoshi exclaimed with wonder.**

**      "Like this," Ryoko smiled at Ayeka, oblivious to Mihoshi, "Shut Up, *Princess!*"**

**      "GAAAAANK-AH-AG!"**

**      "Tenchi, you don't look so good," Sasami frowned for a minute, then her face cleared, "I'll make you some nice, hot tea!" She scampered off to the kitchen.**

**      Washu watched in silent amusement.**

**      "SHUT UP?!! SHUT -UP-??!! Did you just tell me to SHUT UP??!!"**

**GASP, CHOKE, Thud.**

**      "Tenchi?" Mihoshi gingerly poked at Tenchi's prone body. "Uh, Miss Ryoko, Miss Ayeka?"**

**      "You want a piece of this, *detective*?" Ryoko growled, waving a yellow energy sword. Honest occupations were insults, coming from Ryoko.**

**      "Miss Washu?" Mihoshi continued bravely.**

**      Washu walked silently through the barrage of attacks Ryoko and Ayeka were slinging at each other, and placed two fingers to Tenchi's neck.**

**      "Hamm.... Interesting. No pulse."**

**      "What does that mean, Miss Washu?" the blonde asked worriedly.**

**      "Well, I suppose it means he's dead, Mihoshi."**

**      "Wait, who's dead?" Ryoko asked, pausing in her battle.**

**      "Tenchi is dead."**

**      Silence.**

**      Thud. Thud. Thud.**

**        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~    **

**      Thousands of miles above the Masaki shrine, on the bridge of Jurai's greatest battleship, Tenchi Masaki stared out a window at the blank emptiness that was space.**

**      "Tenchi..." a soft voice echoed in the silence.**

**      "I choked to death on -ice cream- do you really think they'll buy that, Tsunami?" he asked.**

**      The goddess frowned.**

**      "My sister could have been more discreet. But you might have expected as much when you enlisted Washu's help."**

**      "It's not like I really had a choice. I couldn't have developed an android copy of myself." he paused. "Are you sure that this is the right thing to do?"**

**      "I didn't hear you coming up with any ideas." **

**      Couldn't argue with that.**

**      "So what do I do now?" he continued after a minute.**

**      "Take a vacation, I guess. Anywhere you'd like to go?"**

**      "We-ell, I kinda always wanted to see North America..."**

**      "Oh, you can't stay on Earth." Tsunami laughed. "No way. Not even in the Milky Way. With your luck, they'd decide to scatter your ashes off the Statue of Liberty. Or Mars. No. You're an off-worlder for the next year at least." **

**      "What?! You didn't tell me that!"**

**      "So where would you like to go?" Tsunami asked placidly, as if she hadn't **

**heard him. **

**      "God, I don't even know the names of any other planets." He looked thoughtful. "How about Jurai?"**

**      Tsunami looked at him silently.**

**      "Okaaay. Not Jurai. Where else is there?"**

**      "There's a planet called Mikidis."**

**      Tenchi sighed.**

**      "I don't suppose it really matters, does it?" he capitulated.**

**           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**                   END OF PART ONE **

**     *When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade.***

**               And send e-mail.**

**                   Or else.**

**Mihoshi and Tokimi can be reached at:**

**           THE TENDO DOJO @aol.com**

**No matter what Soun says. Because if Genma gets to stay, so do we. And I'd love to see him try to evict us.**


End file.
